We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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