yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
