I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
