he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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