Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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