Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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