I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
