So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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