i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
