I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
