so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
