I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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