Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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