Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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