I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
