omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Found the puke drawer
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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