pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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