mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
