My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
