Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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