She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i think my tv is drunk
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
