so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
