I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
