My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
