True but thats because hes a fetus.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
