We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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