Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
