I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
