Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
