Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
