the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
