I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
