I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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