My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
