grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
