Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
