So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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