So drunk its hurt
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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