Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
