If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
