Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
