doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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