I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
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I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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