I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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