writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
