i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
