ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
