We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
