On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
