i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im holly from the hills drunk
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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