dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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