I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The air was thick with penises
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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