We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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