I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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