nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
