Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
