This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
