Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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