Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
