Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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