i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
