I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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