I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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