So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
