May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
