i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Randomize
