we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
