please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
