My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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