Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
