Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
