I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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