My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
