i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
