I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
