Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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