so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
