A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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