Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
