We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
