he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
