she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
